The last couple of days have been kind of tough.  I’ve just been sad and a little lonely.  This limbo time – waiting for my next cycle to start, working from home and by myself every day – is not easy.  I made myself do yoga yesterday and went for a walk today.  Luckily, the weather has gotten better.  The difficult thing is, with the good weather come the mothers and their brand new, tiny babies, shaded in their strollers by their ducky covered baby blankets.  Ouch.

I found out yesterday that an old schoolmate of mine who I’ve lost touch with now has two daughters.  Things like that just make it so painfully apparent how much time has passed since we started trying.  Not helpful thoughts.

I’m trying hard to do things that are good for me – to get outside, to bring flowers in, exercise, to be grateful for my husband and our home.  It’s just not quite enough to lift that sadness, though.  What I really want is to go get myself an ice cream cone.  Walking back home on this sunny day with an ice cream cone sounds really nice about now.

Anyway…I was rifling through some old papers yesterday and I happened upon this quote that I copied from my last acupuncturist’s office:

Every day, think as you wake up,

Today I am fortunate to have woken up;

I am alive, I have precious human life,

I am not going to waste it,

I am going to use all of my energies to develop myself,

to expand my heart out to others,

To achieve Enlightenment for the benefit of all human beings,

I am going to have kind thoughts towards others;

I am not going to get angry,

Or think badly about others

As much as I can.

– His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama

So, I guess he’d frown on the hatred, anger, and envy I felt toward that young mom I saw at the ice cream place last night who kept feeding her baby ice cream (literally a non-verbal BABY, not even a toddler).  What I like is that this quote ends in “as much as I can”. Sometimes we can do more than others, and last night I just couldn’t help thinking that stupid woman didn’t deserve that baby.  I’m off to get my ice cream now.

– Patience

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